It's A Wonderful Life
by ncislove
Summary: Gibbs wonders if the people in his life would be better off without him. Slight Gibbs/Abby.
1. Chapter 1

Thank you so much to Kelly for the help/suggestions!

----

"Meeeeerry Christmas!" Gibbs suddenly found himself with an armful of Abby. "You're coming to Ducky's Christmas dinner tomorrow, right?"

"Can't." Gibbs gave Abby a little squeeze and then gently pushed her away as he headed toward his desk. "Got plans."

"You won't," Abby paused. "Be there?"

Gibbs gave her an apologetic look and then reached for the phone on his desk as it rang. It was Christmas Eve and he knew his team wasn't thrilled about working today, but it was either Christmas Eve or Christmas day, and they decided that Christmas Eve was the lesser of two evils. He watched as Abby attacked her next victim, Tony, as he stepped out of the elevator. Gibbs could read the irritation on his senior agent's face, but his features softened in response to Abby's hug.

As Tony made his way toward his desk, Gibbs hung up and pulled out his gun. "Dead petty officer in the park. Grab your gear."

Ziva and McGee had been at their desks for nearly ten minutes already, both having been on the receiving end of Abby's 'Merry Christmas' hug. Gibbs didn't do Christmas, not anymore. The past several years he'd managed to avoid Ducky's Christmas dinner with the team, occasionally breaking down and having a Christmas drink with Ducky on Christmas Eve – only if the team wasn't working. He preferred to spend the day pretending it was no different from any other, avoiding the Christmas movies on TV, and the cheerful holiday music on the radio. He usually spent the day bent over the boat in the basement, sanding away the memories of Christmas past.

His team was aggravated as they made the drive out to where the body of Anderson Lee was found. McGee and Tony sat in the backseat of the charger and their verbal jabs at one another were getting on Gibbs' nerves. Even Ziva had a hard time ignoring their childish behavior. It wasn't until they were back at NCIS that he saw even the hint of a smile cross any of their faces. Then he realized that it was Abby making them all smile. She had produced a red and green cupcake on each of their desks with little black sprinkles on the frosting. With a little sugar in their systems, Tony and McGee seemed to mellow out, telling each other stories of waiting up on Christmas Eve for a glimpse of Santa. Even Ziva listened to their stories. He was surprised that she was taking such an interest, as she didn't celebrate the holiday, but he suspected it had more to do with feeling like a team rather than her interest in Christmas.

Gibbs tried to block out their chatter as he worked the paperwork on the dead petty officer. It had been an open and shut case, his wife had been found with the murder weapon and covered in his blood and had confessed before they even had the chance to ask what happened. Gibbs shuddered – apparently Anderson had been working too much. Gibbs wasn't proud of his track record with wives, but at least they hadn't done him in the way Mrs. Lee had taken out her frustration on her husband.

By early afternoon, Gibbs was tired and needed some peace and quiet to finish up his paper. His team had worked hard today, so he told them to take off early and wished them a Merry Christmas. With the office down to its skeleton crew, Gibbs stretched his arms and refocused on his paper. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed a brown bag pushed onto the corner of his desk. He looked up to see Ducky smiling at him. "We'll miss you tomorrow, but should you change your mind there will be plenty of food."

"Thanks Duck. Merry Christmas."

"And to you, Jethro." Ducky tipped his hat. Gibbs waited until the elevator doors closed before moving the brown bag that Ducky had left. It was a bottle of his favorite bourbon; he'd already left a bottle of Ducky's favorite scotch on his friends' desk. It was an exchange they made every year.

Halfway through reading Tony's report, Gibbs looked up to find Abby hesitating a few steps away from his desk. "Can I help you?"

"I just… I'll miss you tomorrow."

"You'll see me the day after. Go home. If you're a good girl, Santa might have something special for you. And have fun tomorrow. You won't even notice that I'm not there."

"Gibbs!" Abby's brow wrinkled. "How could you say that! Of course I'll notice that you aren't there." The whole team noticed that he wasn't there, and once a few drinks had been poured, they always sat around talking about how they could convince him to come the next year. "I always notice."

"I'm busy tomorrow, if I wasn't then maybe…"

"I know. See you on the 26th." Abby hitched her purse up on her shoulder and turn toward the elevator.

Gibbs hated to see her upset. "Abby?" He stood and stepped around to the front of his desk and held his arms out. A slow grin spread across her face as she launched herself into his arms and hugged him fiercely. "Merry Christmas," he whispered into her ear.

"Merry Christmas, Gibbs!" Abby kissed him softly on the cheek. "Merry Christmas."

As much as he tried to avoid Christmas, spoiling Abby was something that he didn't mind. He had been able to get away for a few minutes during lunch and had driven over to Abby's place to hide a present from him among the other presents under her tree. He'd done it for the past several years, and he always enjoyed her excited phone call to thank him later in the evening.

He worked until just after seven and called in a dinner order to a diner he knew to be open on Christmas Eve. He pulled on the new scarf that Abby had made him for Christmas before heading to his car. It was surprisingly toned down for Abby's standard –except for the small skull patch she'd added to one of the ends, though he'd been careful to hide it when he wrapped it around his neck.

It didn't take long for him to finish dinner, and it took even less time to clean up the take-away containers. He grabbed the beer he'd been nursing and carried it down to the basement. He smiled, remembering working all December on a special doll house for Kelly their last Christmas together. It was one of the first things to hit the burn pile after she passed away.

Before he had gotten far on the boat, his phone rang. It was Abby. When he answered, he couldn't help but laugh at the words coming at him 90 miles per hour over the phone. He heard something along the lines of 'thank you', 'love it', and 'shouldn't have', but the rest was lost on his ears.

Setting his beer aside, Gibbs re-focused his attention on the shell of boat in the center of the basement. Maybe, just maybe, this one would make it to water. He wasn't sure yet. He wasn't sure how long he had been working, but the longer he could focus on the wood under his hands, the less he would think about Christmas. When the sandpaper slipped from his grasp, he bent down to retrieve it, and stood up before making sure he was clear of the edge of the boat.

Gibbs winced as he rubbed his fingers over the small lump forming on the top of his head. He took it as a sign that he should head to bed – a quick glance at his watch told him that it was just past mid-night. He brushed the sawdust from his clothes and headed up the stairs, hitting the light switch on his way out the basement door.

He followed his usual nighttime routine in the bathroom before heading to bed. He stripped down and pulled on a pair of old sweatpants and sat on the edge of his bed. Rummaging through the drawer of his night-stand, Gibbs pulled out a faded family photo of three. He trashed his finger over the faces of his late wife and daughter. "Merry Christmas Shan, Merry Christmas baby girl." He put the old photograph back in the drawer and turned off the light before climbing under the covers.

He thought about his team as he lay staring up at the ceiling. He had snapped at them more than once – no worse than usual, but as he thought about it, he was always riding his team hard. They knew what needed to get done, there was no need for him to ride their asses about getting their work done. Occasionally DiNozzo needed a friendly reminder, but he had always put in 110%.

Gibbs sighed, maybe he was too hard on them. He was amazed at how DiNozzo preened on the rare occasion he gave his senior agent a compliment. It wasn't that he didn't like to praise his agents, it just didn't come naturally. It was tough love in the Marine Corps and that's what Gibbs was used to.

Closing his eyes, Gibbs rolled onto his side, his back toward the door. He'd cringed inside at the look of relief he had seen earlier in the day when he let his agents leave. He didn't express it enough, but deep down, he thought of his team as family. He knew they didn't like to work on holidays, but on some level, he was comforted by spending a holiday with his 'family.' Then he remembered the look of disappointment on Abby's face when he told her he wouldn't be joining in on Christmas dinner at Ducky's on Christmas day.

"_You're coming to Ducky's Christmas dinner tomorrow, right?"_

"_Can't. Got plans."_

His gut clenched – he hated to see her hurt and knowing he was the cause of it was nearly unbearable. Didn't she realize she was better off without him in her life? He didn't understand how he'd become such an important person in her life. She invited him to do just about everything with her: concerts, church, dinner, and she'd even invite him to parties. He declined most of her invitations, save for the occasional Sunday outing to Church and lunch afterwards, and he always made time to take her for dinner the evening before her birthday. It wasn't that he didn't want to go out with her, it's that by the end of the evening he would want more, and he wouldn't ask that of her.

He was fairly certain she wouldn't stop him if he did make a move. She'd made it clear on more than one occasion that he was more than welcome into her personal space, and while at work, where nothing could happen, he'd gladly play with fire – outside of work, he just didn't trust himself. His track record with women was less than satisfactory and he wouldn't put her through that.

Thinking about Abby calmed him – even if it was about his frustrations, thinking about her calmed him. He briefly wondered what she'd be doing had he stayed away in Mexico, only he knew he couldn't stay away. His eyelids grew heavy and as he drifted to sleep, he wondered how different her life would be now if they'd never met.

Just as he was about to let sleep claim him, Gibbs heard the floor board just outside his door creak. He reached blindly for his gun, but froze when he heard a female voice.

"Don't bother with your gun, Jethro. You can't hurt us."

Gibbs was out of bed in a flash. "Jen?" His eyes darted between the two women. "Kate?"

"Hi Gibbs, good to see you." Kate spoke softly. "We didn't mean to frighten you."

"You're both dead, what… are you doing here?"

Jenny rested her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes, then nodded towards his bed. "Have a seat; we've got a few things to talk about."

Gibbs narrowed his gaze, but made no move to sit back on his bed.

"We don't have time for this. Come on Jethro, I never had a problem getting you into bed before."

Kate stifled a laugh and Gibbs glared at her.

"Alright, alright, I won't air all our dirty laundry, but sit down. We don't have all night." Jen motioned for him to sit and after a brief hesitation, he sat.

"I know this is a bit of a shock, but we're here to help you. You wished that you hadn't interfered with your teams lives. We're here to give you that chance." Jenny explained. "If you really wish to never have existed, then we can grant you that."

"So everyone will wake up and have no memory of me?"

"Something like that." Jen shrugged.

"You'd still be alive, both of you." Gibbs sighed.

"Not exactly," Kate moved forward. "Remember the case when we first met? When you hijacked Air Force One?"

Gibbs smirked at the memory. "Yeah. You put up a good fight, but in the end helped me stick it to Fornell and the FBI. That's when I knew I wanted you on my team."

"If you hadn't worked that case I would have stayed with the secret service."

"You never would have been involved with Ari. You'd still be protecting the President."

"I would have died protecting the President from Ari. Ari would still have helped the terrorists; he still would have shot me. I just wouldn't have known his name. It was my time, Gibbs. There was no way to save me."

Gibbs' fingers moved to the scar he'd received from his first meeting with Ari. He hated that bastard – he would have followed him to the end of the world and back to put a bullet through his brain for what he did to Kate. To Abby. To his team. "And you?" He turned his attention to Jen. "You would've still gone down in a gun fight in California?"

"No." Jen answered. "No, I never would have made it to director of NCIS without you. Everything I learned, I learned from you. Without you I would have had Cynthia's job."

"You'd still be alive?"

"No. I was sick and dying. That wouldn't have changed. I chose to get myself into that situation in California. I chose to get myself killed like that. I couldn't let myself waste away into nothing. I was going to die, I just rushed the process."

"How long did you have?" Gibbs wanted to reach out to her, to hold her hand. They weren't meant to be, he knew that, but there would always be a special place for her in his heart. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"With the way I was living my life – six months or so. If I slowed down, quit NCIS – maybe a year." Jen sat beside him and picked up his hand. "I didn't need nor want your pity."

"Pity?" Gibbs was surprised at the warmth of her hands, he expected them to be cold. "I thought, beyond that madam director crap, that we were friends."

Jen reached up and cuffed him lightly on the back of his head and smiled at the look her gave her. "What? I learned from the best. And you're right, we were friends. But deep down Jethro, you're a softy."

"We'd better get going," Kate interrupted. "We've got quite a bit of ground to cover."

"Going?" Gibbs questioned.

"Going." Jen confirmed with a nod.

Before he could ask where, Kate tossed him his USMC sweatshirt and his bedroom walls faded away. The familiar sight of Ducky's house appeared. They walked up to the front door and Gibbs wondered if they were going to knock.

Just as he reached out to knock, the front door opened and a frail looking Ducky peered out. He gave a weak whistle and a pair of corgi's came running in from the yard.

"Step inside," Jen urged. "He can't see or hear us, he has no idea we're here."

"What year is it?" Gibbs asked quietly. He hated to see his friend so old a frail looking.

"You must have hit your head harder than I thought. It's still 2009." Kate frowned.

"What's wrong with him?" He wanted to reach out and hug his friend.

"Nothing, it's been a rough couple of years, that's all." Jen explained. She moved over to the large bookshelf lining Ducky's wall. "He retired several years ago because he no longer enjoyed work. He's spent the last eight years caring for his mother without help, without a break. It's taken a toll on him. He's just now moved her into a home. The dogs are all he has left now, he doesn't get out much anymore."

"What about Abby? They get together often, she loves his stories." Gibbs watched as Ducky moved back to his favorite chair. A corgi jumped up to rest with its owner.

"That's a good boy." Ducky ran his fingers through the coarse fur.

"They met once briefly, but not long enough to get to know one another." Kate walked over and knelt beside Ducky's chair. "Ducky loves working with you. You've been such a good friend to him. He enjoys getting up in the morning to go to work each day."

"He's been a good friend to me for many years, but I don't see how I've been much of a friend to him."

"You listen to his stories, and have been a shoulder to lean on. It hasn't been easy for him to watch his mother deteriorate. Even though you don't say much, you are a great source of comfort to him."

Jen moved back to stand beside Gibbs. "He needs you just as much as you need him."

"Gibbs," Kate moved to where Gibbs and Jen stood. "Your team isn't 'your team' without you."

"What do you mean?"

"You'll see. Come on, we've got more to show you."

Ducky's house faded from their sight and before Gibbs' vision cleared, he could hear the unmistakable sounds of a type-writer. McGee.

Gibbs was shocked at the sight before him when his vision cleared. They were obviously in McGee's apartment, though it wasn't the one Gibbs had been to before. This one was dark and dreary. There were shelves of records lining the wall, and a long desk lining another. McGee was hunched over his desk, typing furiously on his old type-writer. He looked as though he hadn't showered or shaved in days, and his clothes had holes and were stained. Gibbs wandered over to the desk and looked over a stack of books. They all showed Thom E. Gemcity as the author, many more than what McGee had published now. A few even brandished 'best seller' stickers.

"He's a very successful writer?" Gibbs turned to look at Kate. He had read the stories of L.J. Tibbs and although he wouldn't admit it to his team, he thought they were quite good and depicted the team wonderfully.

"Successful writer, yes."

"He hardly has time to write anymore with how busy NCIS has kept all of us."

"He needs a break now and again otherwise he gets pulled too deeply into his mind. His life changed drastically after-"

Before Kate could finish, the doorbell rang and McGee froze. He moved over to the door and, leaving the chain lock on, cracked the door open a few centimeters and peered out. "Set it on the mat. How much do I owe you?"

Gibbs couldn't hear a response, but watched as McGee dug a few bills out of his wallet and slipped them through the small crack. "What's he doing?"

"Remember when he first came to work with us?" Kate asked. "He had zero confidence and it took a while for you build him up into a confident Agent? Well he was never offered a position at NCIS and he left Norfolk after his first book was published. He was doing okay until his sister was convicted for a murder she didn't commit. He lost it then, he jumped head first into this writing, and while he's produced several best-selling novels, he has no social life and he drinks too much. His agent knows he drinks too much, but his depression has created some great books, so he hasn't tried to help him."

Gibbs watched as McGee waited until the delivery boy left before opening the door to grab the bag of food. McGee peered down the hallway and then slammed the door shut and engaged all six locks on his door. He walked back to his desk and tore into the food that had been delivered.

Gibbs didn't understand how McGee could hide away. He had always been the most level-headed of his agents, both Tony and Ziva flying off the handle when certain buttons were pushed.

"So because I didn't give him a job...?"

"And you didn't save his sister, nor did you build his confidence as a person. He has always had the writing skills, and it was his sister that managed to push him into writing, but with her locked up…" Kate raised her eyebrows. "Well, you can see what's happened."

"Come on, we've got more to see." Jen interrupted.


	2. Chapter 2

The room started to spin slowly around them and Gibbs blinked rapidly as his surroundings faded and then morphed into an office. He couldn't quite pin-point where he was, but he knew he'd seen the office before. There was a man sitting at the desk with his back turned to Gibbs. He had salt and pepper hair, and his clothes looked nicely pressed.

"Papa?" Gibbs recognized Ziva's voice immediately. She stepped into the office and Eli David turned towards his daughter. Gibbs was shocked at the condition Ziva was in. She looked under-weight and although she had never put much effort into her appearance, her hair looked dull and raggedy.

"Sit down, my dear. I have a mission planned out for you."

Gibbs could read the hesitation on her face. Whatever it was that her father was about to ask her, she didn't want to do it.

Eli waited until she took a seat opposite him at the desk, and then pushed a folder towards her. Gibbs tried to move closer to read what the papers said, but Jen stopped him with a shake of her head.

"I know I have promised you some time off, but I need my best agent for this."

"But Papa…"

"Ziva," Eli warned. "I know you want to take some time off, and you'll get that time, but I need you to do this for me. I'll leave the details up to you, but this needs to be taken care of. _Now._"

Ziva flipped through the papers. "I'm to get myself to Somalia?"

Gibbs turned to look at Kate and Jenny. "This was the mission he sent her on earlier this year?"

"Mmhmm." Jen nodded.

"They were holding her for information on NCIS. If she doesn't work for NCIS then why would they hold her hostage?"

"They won't."

Gibbs wasn't sure what she meant. Either she wouldn't get caught, or they would kill her right away. "Will she survive?"

"I can't say." Jen watched the expression on his face. "She loves working for NCIS as an official agent. She grew up in Mossad, but she feels at home on your team at NCIS - even with DiNozzo giving her a hard time."

"She puts up with more of his crap than I would have." Kate added. "But she seems to keep him in line better than I could too. He doesn't go through her trash they way he went through mine. And he certainly wouldn't dare touch her phone."

"Alright." The sound of Ziva's chair scraping against the floor brought his attention back. "I will talk with my contacts in Yemen and see if I can go by boat or if it would be easier to enter by land."

"Very well." Eli dismissed her with a brief wave of his hand. Gibbs couldn't understand how a father could treat his daughter like an employee. There was no warmth in the way that spoke to her, and no concern for her well-being. It was obvious to Gibbs that she was worn down and in desperate need of rest. He knew his agents needed to be pushed, but at the same time he knew when he needed to back off. Eli showed no sign of backing off and it made Gibbs want to step forward and intervene.

"It's time to move on and see what Tony is doing this Christmas Eve." As Kate spoke, Eli David's office faded from view. It made Gibbs a little dizzy to have his surroundings fade and then return, so he kept his eyes shut a few moments.

Gibbs wasn't sure where they were supposed to be. It was an apartment, but it was void of personal effects – no pictures hung on the wall, no socks on the floor, only a few books on the book shelf and a photo of a grand Christmas tree propped up on the dining table. Gibbs startled when the bathroom door opened and Tony stepped out. He was in sweatpants and was using a towel to dry is hair. When he finished he folded the towel neatly and hung it back on the rack. "We're at a hotel?"

"No, but we might as well be. Tony moves often, so it's easier if he doesn't own as much."

"He's still moving often? I thought he settled in nicely at NCIS."

"You give him something solid. He knows what you expect, and he respects you. He likes NCIS because he feels like he belongs, and if anything, we all know that all Tony wants is to belong." Kate smiled fondly at Tony. "We're in Los Angeles. Normally he has a bit more, but he's moving to Seattle in two weeks, so he's already shipped a few things. He's only been here eight months. It was Peoria before that. Atlanta before that, and Houston before that. He never stays more than two years; he hasn't felt at home in any of the places he's gone."

"He's a damn good agent. I should tell him more often."

"He knows he's doing well," Jen added. "He knows you would've gotten rid of him a long time ago if he wasn't. But an occasional pat on the back wouldn't hurt. He just wants to make you proud."

"I am," Gibbs smiled softly. "I guess I could let him know now and again."

"Just not too often, we know how inflated his ego can get." As much as she had fought with Tony, she had cared for him greatly. "But tell him. And if you could let him know that I was proud of him too, I would appreciate that."

"I will." The three of them stood silently as they watched Tony flop down onto his bed and turn the TV on. He flipped channels for awhile until he found a re-run of Magnum.

Kate rolled her eyes. "Go figure."

Gibbs was getting tired. He had seen enough, and he was ready to go back. He still thought of himself as an insufferable bastard, but the thought of leaving his team behind seemed selfish.

"I've seen enough, take me home." There was only one person left that he could think of. If she was even half as miserable as the others – worse, dead – it would break his heart. "I don't want to see any more.

"It's not up to you. You'll see what we show you." Even though she was dead, Jen wasn't going to take his crap.

"Relax Gibbs." Kate soothed. "We're almost done."

Tony's apartment started to fade and suddenly loud music, something he'd no doubt heard before in Abby's lab, blasted around him. He blinked a few times and his vision cleared again. Gibbs was confused as to why he was in a bar, but when Abby appeared with a beer and a bowl of peanuts, he knew why he was there. "Oh Abbs." With her hair pulled into a single ponytail and the spider web tattoo semi-covered under a layer of makeup, Abby was only a shadow of who he knew her to be.

Abby set the beer and peanuts in front of the only customer in the bar. The man smiled up at her and licked his lips. "What's a pretty thing like you doing working on Christmas Eve?"

Gibbs didn't like the way the man was looking at Abby, but he was powerless to stop it.

"Gotta bring home a paycheck, you know?"

"You married?" The man asked and then laughed at the look she shot him. "I'd hate for you to go home to an empty place tonight. What time are you off?"

"None of your damn business." Abby snapped as she moved closer to where Gibbs was standing. He wanted to take her into his arms, to wish her a Merry Christmas and… She moved closer still, wiping down the bar, stopping to glance at the clock.

Gibbs watched a few moments longer. "Why is she here?" He turned to look at Jenny and then Kate. "What about NCIS?"

"She couldn't find a job anywhere else. Director Morrow took one look at her and said no. You weren't there to put your foot down and tell him that she was the most qualified. You were concerned about her looks too, but her resume and letters of recommendation blew you away and you had to have her in the lab." Kate explained. "You had a pressing case, and NCIS hadn't been able to hold onto a forensic scientist for longer than four days. NCIS was her last option. She decided that if she didn't get the job she was going to take the job here at the bar that a friend of a friend had offered her."

"Abby loves Christmas, why is she working tonight?"

"She's saving up to get as far away as she can. She has been having problems with Mikel Mawher. He's currently in jail for another 7 months. She's hoping to disappear before he's released. He's threatened to kill her more than once and the cops won't believe her."

"Will she make it?"

"I don't know." Kate answered.

"Can't you show me?"

"No." Jenny broke in. "Come on. One more place to see."

"Wait," Gibbs turned back to look at Abby. "I don't want to leave yet. Please."

Jenny stood with her hands on her hips. "I always was a sucker for when you said please."

Gibbs turned to flash a quick grin and then returned his focus to Abby. She was humming a Christmas tune as she moved about the bar cleaning tables, stacking chair, and ignoring the lone customer in the bar. The man stood and fished a few bills out of his wallet for the beer. "You sure you don't want any company tonight?"

Abby glared at him. "Ask me again and you be taking my boot up your ass with you when you leave. How's that for company?"

"Alright, alright." The man held his hands up in defeat and headed for the door.

Kate leaned on the bar beside Gibbs. "He's going to wait for her by where she parked her car out back."

"NO!" Gibbs spun around to face Jen. "We have to do something. I have to help her!"

"You can't." Jenny shrugged. "You don't exist, remember?" The bar began to fade away and Gibbs felt panic coil in his gut. "Take me back now. I need to go back."

"We're not quite finished – one more place to go." As Kate spoke the surroundings started to clear.

Gibbs could hear bird chirping around him and a gentle breeze blew through his hair. Suddenly he recognized where he was. "Why did you bring me here?" He asked through clenched teeth. "If I don't exist…"

"We're here to show you something. Follow me." Jenny instructed.

Gibbs followed a familiar path, his chin tucked down to his chest. When they stopped, Gibbs knelt and traced his fingers over the familiar name carved into the grave stone – Shannon – All the dates were the same, born April 2nd 1959, died March 4th 1991. The only difference was her last name. Johnson. "She's dead?"

"Mmhmm," Kate nodded. "Sometimes it's just a person's time. It didn't matter who she ended up with, her time was up. Drunk driver. What matters was the wonderful time you gave here when you were together. You gave her a beautiful daughter."

"Kelly…" Gibbs said with a sigh. He then realized he hadn't seen her name on the stone.

As if Jen had read his mind, she answered him. "She never existed either. She was part of you and since you never existed…"

"Did she have other children?"

"No. They had planned on having children, but then he found out he wasn't able to. He turned to alcohol and blamed Shannon."

"I want to see her. You two are dead, and Shannon is… dead. I want to see her."

"It doesn't work that way. Jethro," Jenny took his hand in hers. "The whole point of this is to show you that while you might see yourself as a miserable bastard, to everyone around you, you have made a positive impact on their lives so far." She paused to let it all sink in. "If you really wish to never have existed then I'll see what I can do, but you need to think long and hard before you make such a decision."

Jenny and Kate followed the same path out of the cemetery that they had followed in, with Gibbs trailing a few paces behind.

"Can you just tell me what happens to Abby?"

"It doesn't matter," Kate reminded him. "You don't exist, remember?"

Just as the scenery began to fade, Gibbs noticed a familiar name. Abigail Sciuto. He tried to focus his vision on the other details on the stone, but he couldn't make out the dates.

A high-pitched shrill hit Gibbs' ear and caught him to flinch. He eyes flew open at the obnoxious sound and he stared up at the familiar ceiling a moment before rolling over to face his alarm clock. It was 7am on Christmas morning, and although he was certain he hadn't set his alarm the night before, he was glad it had gone off.

He was out of bed in a flash – he knew he had just enough time to shower, get dressed and down a cup of coffee before meeting Abby at church. He knew she planned on attending the 8am service before heading early to Duck's house to help get ready.

Gibbs pulled up to the church five minutes before the service was due to start. Inside the church he nodded at a few of his neighbors as he scanned the crowd for Abby.

Although her outfit was substantially subdued, her black pigtails were hard to miss. She was sitting at the end of a pew on the far aisle and he wasn't surprised to see a space between her and the woman next to her. Abby was well known to the church regulars, but Christmas brought in a whole new crowd and her neck tattoo was rather intimidating to those that didn't know her.

He side-stepped past the other people already sitting until he stood beside Abby; she was busy digging through her purse. Gibbs lowered himself to sit beside her, and then reached slowly to take one of her hands in his.

Abby looked up with wide eyes and grin so big that Gibbs couldn't help but grin back. "Merry Christmas, Abby."

Abby stared at him, unsure if he was really there or if she was seeing him because she wanted him there. Just as she was about to open her mouth to ask what he was doing, the light dimmed signaling that the service was about to start. Gibbs gave her hand a tight squeeze and turned his attention back toward the front of the church.

---

Gibbs couldn't fight the smile that tugged at his lips, caused by Abby clinging tightly to his hand as he led her from the church. She was giddy and full of holiday cheer with her hand tucked safely in Gibbs'. "I thought you were busy today."

"I was."

"And now..?" They reached Abby's car and she turned to lean back against the door.

"I'm busy with you."

"Instead of your boat?"

Gibbs sighed, she was right. "Instead of my boat."

"You coming to Ducky's Christmas dinner?" Abby looked up at him, her green eyes sparkling.

Gibbs dipped his head slightly and grinned. Then leaning in closer he pressed a soft kiss to her lips. "Merry Christmas, Abbs." Reaching around her, Gibbs opened her car door for her.

"You are, aren't you?" Abby got into the driver's seat and pulled the seatbelt across her shoulder.

"See you in a bit." Gibbs shut her door, curved his middle and ring finger down to silently declare his love and then turn back towards his car.

When he pulled up to Ducky's house a few hours later, he wasn't surprised to see the cars belonging to the rest of his team already there.

"See!" He could hear Abby before he saw her. "I told you he would be here." Her feet sounded loudly on the wooden front steps at Ducky's house as she rushed out to greet him. She launched herself into his arms and hugged him tightly. "Oh Gibbs, I'm so glad you're here."

"Jethro," Ducky called. "How wonderful!"

"Duck." Gibbs greeted his friend and held out a bottle of wine he had decided to bring with him. He glanced round at the rest of his team. "Merry Christmas."

As they sat down for Christmas dinner, Gibbs glanced round the table at his team; his family. Ducky was humming a happy Christmas tune as he poured wine, a completely different sight compared to what Gibbs had seen the night before. McGee carried out the last of the food and set it on the table before taking his spot at the table. Tony had stuck his finger in cranberry sauce and was trying to touch his finger to Ziva's nose. "Come on, Ziva. You can be our little Rudolph."

"DiNozzo," Ziva chided. "I will not be your little reindeer with a red nose. I think your nose is red enough already." She reached out and gave his nose a little pinch and they both laughed.

Gibbs found himself smiling at the sight of his team relaxed and enjoying themselves in his company. He glanced at Abby, who had sat herself beside him. She was watching him, a small smile on her face. Gibbs reached over to take her hand in his, giving it a tight squeeze before letting their joined hands rest on her lap.

"What's on your mind, Abbs?"

"Nothin', just happy I got my wish for Christmas this year. Finally."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. We're all together. All of us, and you."

With the wine poured, Ducky took a seat and cleared his throat before holding his hands out to McGee and Abby who sat on either side of them. Once Tony had wiped the sauce from his finger, they held hands around the table for Ducky's reflective Christmas prayer. "_I think about my family, my relatives, the neighbors, people with whom we will spend this day,"_ Ducky started. _"I look at their faces and remember their stories; there are feelings of gratitude and some fear and anxiety. Thank you for these loved ones and please forgive me for the ways I have been less than accepting and loving. Please heal the wounds, division and conflicts that stand between us and help me to remember how dearly you love them. I only want to remember that you have come to save us all."_

-----

I just want to say a huge thank you to all the readers who have left such positive and encouraging comments on the stories I've posted in the last year. A very Merry Christmas and/or Happy Holidays to those who celebrate, and a Happy New Year!


End file.
